So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

So long…

I recognize the absurdity of thinking you're here reading these letters I write. But if you were, and you happened to see my last few letters before I deleted them… well, you'd know that I've been flailing. I don't know what to say anymore. I don't, to some extent, know what's real anymore. Except how I feel about you, which is as real as anything that happens inside a person's head and heart.

This roller coaster has been rough since the beginning, but of late… The highs of a few weeks ago - the absolute (misguided) certainty that we were on the same ride together, were amazing. But the lows…

I need to get off.

So I'm done here. No more letters, no more searching for you in other peoples' words, no matter how certain I am that I've found you at least once…

I'll not stop loving you. I don't think I could even if I wanted to at this point. And I will always welcome a conversation with you… All I've even wanted for so long now is to just get to talk to you, face to face, just the two of us. We haven't gotten to do that in so very, very long. And even those few times it was always so brief… And yes, the deep down truth is that I want so much more than that, but I recognize that those other things just can't happen, not now, probably not ever. So, just a talk…

Until then… so long, you amazing person. You are in my heart, always.